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When he got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep. And they came to Him and woke Him, saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing!" He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. The men were amazed, and said, "What kind of a man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?"          ~Matthew 8:23-27 (NASB)
The presence of God is always sufficient. Even in the midst of panic attacks He is enough. I keep reminding myself of this truth. I whisper it to myself in the kitchen while I am washing dishes, the warm water reminding me of my dad's words, "I married a dishwasher and your mother gave me four more." I beg God to replace the accusations and labels with His Truth, to speak it to my heart. Remind me, Oh God, t…

Scars

I sat with a friend, just days before I was scheduled to stand in front of another group of people who are broken like me to pour out my story...just days before I would tell again about the saving, restoring work God has done in my life. She asked me how I could speak of it. How? How does a person reveal all that mess of broken to strangers? Why? Why does a person reveal all that sin in front of a group of people? She asked the questions timidly.
I felt the sadness mingle with the expectation of joy in my heart. I responded with a question of my own, "When Thomas doubted that the others had seen the resurrected Jesus, what did Jesus do?"
She hesitated. I watched her brow draw together before she answered, confused, "He offered His scars."
"Yes. He did not offer another miracle. His scars were the miracle.  His scars were the proof of His resurrection. My prayer is that others will see Jesus in my scars...they will see what resurrected life looks like...what br…
Last night was a battle for sobriety. The fight was so intense, as my flesh called out for the poison, for the euphoric peace it offers. The peace that I know is a lie. I have lived the lie of that peace too many times. It comes quickly and does not last. It multiplies my guilt and shame and condemns me.

God has something so much better for me. So, I reached out to the little prayer group that has so many times stepped into my mess and prayed, held me in the arms of grace. They have begged God with me to break the chains of my addictions and to heal the hopelessness of my past. So much is healing, but still I have days...days where the lies of the past shatter my heart and the cry for poison bombards me, offering me peace when there is no peace apart from Jesus.

The peace of drugs is nothing like the peace of God. The first makes me a slave while promising freedom, the second makes me free through surrender. One causes me to stumble around in the dark and the other shines light into t…
I had a rough night last night. This  my  husband tells me. He woke me six times before midnight and he is tired today. But I don't remember the waking or the dreams. All I know is that I wake this morning certain that I have a God who loves me, who sent a Redeemer to ransom me and to set me free from all that has held me captive. And a constant whisper in my spirit, that promise from Scripture "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases: His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23) Oh, and the craving for poison is silent. The hope is spilling in like joy at the end of a long journey.  I sigh and breathe it in, thankful to the God who made me that He has not forgotten me in the midst of my failures and battles.  Praising Him that He is the One who is able to hold me steady when my feet want to stumble and I lose balance.
And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified and said, "It is a ghost!" And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid."                                                       Peter said to Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But, seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately, Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, "You are certainly God's Son!" ~Matt. 24:25-33
These are some of my favorite vers…

Radically Saved

Radically saved. Those were the words that came to me when I shared a bit of my story. Radically saved. I find it rather amusing that I would describe my salvation story like that. Maybe it was because it seemed everyone who shared a bit of their story shared about a good upbringing and basically good lives and mine was anything but.

I began drinking young...first taste of beer when I was four and my dad would hand me his partially consumed can and tell me to finish it. I hated the taste of it, but I drank anyway, everyone laughing in amusement. And then he would send me for a fresh one. But it was when I was ten and the abuse started again, after a couple of years of reprieve, that I found the ability to survive in the frothy bitterness of beer. And when I was sixteen I met whiskey for the first time. Oh, the burn of it in my throat and belly consumed the pain in my heart at what was happening to me, dulled the self-hatred and the shame of being used...whiskey proved to be my only tr…
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.   ~John 3:16
This morning, in those predawn moments when the light had not yet driven away the darkness, I sat on my little porch, praying to the One who makes the sun to rise in the east. Just pouring out my gratitude to the Maker of all good things for the gift of healing and wholeness He is writing in my heart. But it was as I prayed that the questions that burn constantly in my heart found voice again and were uttered into the dim light of dawn.

"Why, Jesus? Why did You choose to let me live through abuse and drug addiction? Why did You preserve my life? For what purpose am I still breathing?"

And this quiet whisper in my heart answered, "Because I love you."

I sat there undone - am still undone. Tears freely streaming down my face. I have had this thought that God intended to use me in some way to heal others and that is why He s…